Off subject

Can you believe it's been 15 years, this April? Where did the time go? When did I stop thinking about you so much? When did I stop missing you so much? Growing up, you were my best friend and playmate. I knew you like no other. I never thought you would grow up to be a drug-addicted felon. Where there really signs of the evil to come? The man you nearly beat to death. God only knows all the things I didn't know. People lied and you didn't go to prison. Wouldn't it have been better if you did? Look at all the trauma and destruction you caused. Gone was the loving little boy I knew. You couldn't forgive, you couldn't move on, you blamed everyone else. You never stood up and took responsibility for your part. Why? I taught you, to be honest, I taught you to forgive, I taught you to take responsibility. I taught you to get help. Why did you ignore me? Was life really better your way? I wasn't your mother but I was the best you had. I expected more from you and so you pushed me away. I didn't feel sorry for you and I definitely didn't baby you. No one is to blame for your death. You made that choice yourself. Drunk or not, you set the stage. How different life would have been if you had let me help. You choose to believe the lies. Time has proven that I was capable of being a good mom and I raised really good children. Your children missed out on having me. You took that from them. They really missed out. And why? Why didn't you want them to have my unconditional love and support? My wisdom and strength? I will never know and it really doesn't matter. Life is what it is. You stopped being a good person long ago. You sure left a mess for me to clean up. I will never understand. I will always love you. I hope God lead you home that day. Rest in peace, my brother.